Reminder min

Put the Shoe on Your Foot


Let’s look at your own experience. Were there people you desired and found sexual satisfaction in before you met your current partner? Should you feel guilty about that? Or does this mean that you have had a healthy, normal past experience with other people? Should your current partner distrust you? After all, think about your past and the experiences that you enjoyed. Wasn’t it fun? Does this mean that you can’t love and commit yourself to your current partner because you had fun in the past? If you had pleasure with past partners does this mean that you cannot control yourself now? Are you constantly going back to your past partners and having sex with them? Why not? Is the past “now”—the past for you? Have you left your past behind? If any of this is true for you, maybe it’s true for your partner.

I should not be the only person my partner ever desired.
If my partner enjoyed sex with someone else then it means nothing about the possibility that they might go back to that person.
If they enjoyed sex with someone else, then they can also enjoy sex with me.
It’s not dangerous to my current relationship if my partner has fond memories about a past partner. It's natural for all of us to reflect on positive experiences in the past. That's what memories are for.
The key to the current relationship—the one that you want to make as good as it can be—is accepting that there was a past before this relationship but to focus on the present, to make this the best it can be so that you can have a future together.

Have a think about what it is about yourself that you don’t like, that you fear your partner doesn’t like either and then get to work on it